When you have operated for so long as if a situation is the opposite of reality, and then reality turns into how you have been operating, there isn't much room for change. Do you know how confusing that is? To feel like there should be a significant change in your life to mirror the significant decision that was made, but that change just doesn't show up, all because you have lived your life for at least a month as if that decision had already been made? I wish I felt I could expound a little better on specific examples, but I don't feel at liberty to share that much right now.
I feel like I'm caught in a weird place right now. I'm relieved that everything has finally been said that I've been anticipating for the past couple months, but I've anticipated it so much that it almost feels like it didn't happen. Yet I still woke up at about 5:00 this morning for no reason, feeling almost panicked, and then the whole "what could I have done differently" debate started in. You know, the debate with yourself over what you did wrong to make things go like this? Yeah, that always sets in when I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, and always the night after whatever "bad" thing happened.
Life is going to have a dose of melancholy to it for awhile, and I suppose that's all there is to it, until I adjust a little better.
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